S.I.R chapter 2

The Err In Revelation

Advice is best sought from those that understand your position, not those who are caught up in their own. The Author

Dithering was an old friend to Stanley who oft spent time running through every option before procrastinating over what to do. It was if the world had fallen from under his feet as his knees sagged under his suddenly doubled weight. He felt physically sick before quashing such silly thoughts and instead ran lead footed down the stairs to his wife. Something rolled under his foot halfway sending his world view groundwards. He landed surprisingly softly, between the wide spread legs of his fallen love.

"I am sorry, Dear." Stanley said picking himself up. He reached out his hand as if to take hers into it to assist in raising her up. The hand never came to meet his.

"Um. Do you feel alright?" Stanley asked. The body of his wife did not answer. "I think I banged my knee there." he finished desperate to do something, anything to resolve this.

What were you supposed to do in these situations? There was the image of a first aid lecture he had to sit through once. The instructor had wrapped his arms around his assistant and pulled them in tight causing her to spit out a cheesy puff snack. He could remember clapping at the culmination of the amature theatre. Wasn’t there something about turning someone onto their side and bending their knee?

Cassandra was a lot heavier than Stanley remembered and her lolling head married with limp arms meant he couldn't get a grip or pull her to a standing position. He dropped her, causing her head to strike the floor where she lay exposing her lower half. Round buttocks saluted the sky over bent knees. It was now he looked at the stairs and then down at his feet and saw Cassandra's once pristine but now scuffed up white knickers balled up around his toes.

"Shit, shit, shitty shit shit!" said Stanley as he stood and dithered not knowing whether to run outside to the street and scream for help or to call someone for assistance. So he did what he always did in these situations and called his parents.

The phone rang for years before a few seconds later it was answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mum. Is Dad in?"

"He is but how are you? It’s been ages since you last came round, longer since you brought Cassandra with you. I know she is a very busy and important but we really would like to have you both round for dinner soon with your brother and Majorca."

"Mum, Minowa was three girlfriends ago, I think it’s Courtney now. But I really need to speak to Dad now. It's an emergency."

"I'll just pop to the garden and give him a shout, he's in his shed tinkering away. While we walk have a look at this rose, what do you think could be wrong with it?"

"Mum, it's a phone, I can't see anything. Can you hurry please, I really need Dad."

"Always in a hurry, that's your problem. OK. Here's Dad."

"Hello my boy, sorry a little busy right now, almost got that perpetual motion prototype thingy working, so I’ll call you in a day or two. O.K?”

“Dad, I haven’t got a day or two this is important. Dad, it’s Cassandra.”

“Oh, her? What has she done this time? Bought a palace in the South of France or something?”

“No, she’s covered in champagne, has no clothes on and is in the hallway.”

“How did she end up like that, Son? It’s not a new dietary fad you Guardian readers follow these days is it? I can’t see the attraction in it myself.”

“No Dad, Look. I need help now! We were in the bedroom and she jumped on me after a shower, we had a little discussion…..”

“Well done Son, go on. “

“....and well she ran off half naked and I’m not sure what happened but we bumped hard and I ended up between her legs and well now she’s on her knees with her bum in the air.”

“And you think this is a problem, Stanley? You have more problems in your little head than whole armies of people do. You said she was half exposed, may I enquire which half?”

“I don’t know why, but if it helps she’s bottomless, well in a long top.”

“So, she’s exposed? You know just incase this sort of thing catches on and I need to help your Mother.”

“Dad! Really!”

“Oh Son, I am proud of you. Especially as I had a bet with your Mother that… but you shouldn’t keep a girl waiting, go and get stuck in my lad. Now I really am busy, only a few more nuts to tighten and this may produce something wonderful a bit like what you’re doing unless you manage to screw it up, I did that once, brought nothing but aggravation. In the end I had to drill it out a bit and hammer a screwdriver in.” finished Stanley’s father drifting away into dusty memories filtered from decades of monotony.

“It’s not like that, I need to take her somewhere. Things have gone limp. I need to get her somewhere to make this better. Where do you go to make things better with Mother?”

“Oh, with you now. Got it. Listen up, there is a really good place where you can go to make all of this better. Do you know Porticedown Common? Well there is a coppice near there, a little wooded area with a carpark where I take Bouncer out for his walks. You’re sure to find what you need there.”

“Really? And you think Cassandra would be helped there?”

“Oh yes, lots of people are helped there every time they visit.”

“I know where it is but this is really embarrassing, will anyone find out?”

“No my boy, you’ll find they are very discrete. I’m there with Bouncer a few nights a week and everybody you meet are very friendly but sworn to secrecy. Oh and your Mum wants to know if you’ll be around for dinner tomorrow. I imagine if it goes well tonight you’ll have worked up quite an appetite.”

“Thanks Dad, how do I get her there? She’s in no state to walk.” asked Stanley working through a mental list of issues to resolve.

“Bloody hell my boy, just stick her in the car and drive. There’s a carpark and you’ll need the seats to be reclined all the way back to make it easier.”

“Oh yes, wasn’t thinking. I guess they can have a good look at her when she’s laid flat, like in a hospital.”

“Yes….if that’s what she wants.”

“Yes, I think it’s what she needs, she’s not moving much and i think she may be dead.”

“Son, son, son. She’s always been a bit of a cold fish like the time she came here and sat on the sofa refusing to talk to anyone. But, nudge nudge wink wink, if you do get a little rough and kill her you can always bury her in the woods while you’re there, just don’t get caught as it’ll ruin your career although a stint inside as a notorious wife slayer might boost your sales a bit. Now go and do what you need to do to her to keep her happy and we’ll see you for dinner tomorrow, where you can tell me all about it.”