A confusion of Angels, Tea? one lump or two? Sugar too? Diary of an Occult Resolution Assistant.
The door was open when we got back, the butler was not present so I called out a cheery hello as we entered to alret the others of our arrival and Hastings and I went straight to the kitchen to make a brew.
Inside was clean; not just a kitchen that had a wipe down after use, this place was clean. Every surface was bare bar a shining metal kettle, a sparkling metal toaster and taps so smart you could see yourself in the reflection off the tap heads. The sink itself was stainless, even around the plug guard that sat, spider web like over the drain hole - I know, I checked. Everything else was so white I was scared of developing snow blindness. Hastings was next to useless at the task at hand; firstly being from the middle ages his knowledge of 'having a brew' was somewhat under developed but also being a man he had no idea of his way around a kitchen even with a map. To tell the truth I was a little confused at first because none of the white plasti-coated units had handles with which to open them to hunt for cups, spoons and if luck holds out choccy biccies. Until I bumped into a free standing table-topped unit door which slowly opened without a sound did I relaise they were opened by touch.
It didn't take long to locate cups of the finest china with gold rims and pictures denoting peace and generosity to all Man from Angelic characters. They looked expencive but as no workman style mugs presented themselves they would have to serve. No biscuits either, but I did find a nice tray of water crackers and an amazing cheese in a small fridge maskerading as a cupboard next to a cooker and hob so complicated to understand I couldn't even begin to comprehend how to operate it to boil an egg let alone create a full Sunday roast with it. Thankfully I only had to produce a pot of tea to quench the thirst of the four, not quite a miricle but in the kitchen of an Angel I thought anything could be possible.
No tray, so a square dinner plate did the job as I poured boiling water into a teapot with a built in tea-leaf strainer. Then I carried it into the hallway to give to the Big Boys.
Xanthic met me as I entered the corridor between rooms; his back resting against the wall with one leg bent so the flat of the soul was tucked up against the wall at knee height.
"Oh, I didn't know you were there." I said.
"For a change I didn't do it to surprise or annoy, I just wanted a word before we go back in." Xanthic said in a way I couldn't guess at his meaning. Was it compassion or a chance for interigation?
"I will leave you to your peace." Said Hastings using his stick to hobble past. Xanthic stopped him, placed a hand onto the man's shoulder; static rose in the small corridor and I saw Hastings' hair rise up from the roots reaching for the ceiling. He flexed his limbs and smiled, Xanthic took the stick and slapped him on the back as Hastings spryly skipped towards the bookless library.
"Just give them a minute will you, Your friend does not belong here and his presence is causing ripples in the greater plan that Hal needs to follow so he's agreed with his superiors to take care of the problem before it becomes an issue."
"You don't mean they are going to....." I tried to find a suitable word to express my sudden concern. ".....take him to heaven." I whispered the final word incase they heard and thought they could solve my problems in the same way.
"No." My employer laughed, "Our friend there seems to feature very heavily in the past. Apparently he is almost cannonised as a Saint but they thought him too mad for such and honour because of his tales of a glorious time of metal boxes that ride upon rivers of solid stone and a Lady so brave and bold she held the sword of a monster saving the innocents over the treasure. Now judging onhow crazy most of the Saints were, they must have thought him a raving cookcoo!"
"So? He couldn't he have said that stuff and then got stuck in the ground?" I enquired not beleiving anyone back then could have known this far into the future the Earth must appear like an alien planet.
"No, he did not. We pinpointed when he left and it was years before his conversion from Knight errant to a Brother in a monestary; so, because of how he sidestepped time to get here the Grown-ups think they can push him in the river and float him back upstream. Don't ask me how, its nothing to do with me."
"Can I say good-bye?" I almost sounded like I was pleading.
"If you hurry, he's being made the offer to return home. I have no idea what Hal will do if the apeman says no."
I hurried to enter the libray but Xanthic stopped me.
"I need to ask you exactly what you got out of the Under-realm. What was it you were sent to retrieve for me?" He asked.
"I have no idea, you just said a package, but it can't have been very big because the boxy thing I could have taken was only shoebox size."
"And this Master you were talking about in the car didn't say anything about it or use any kind of language to help us guess at the contents?" He looked hard at me as if trying to use his sight to dig the information out of my skull.
"No, I have no idea what you wanted or what was there, I was lucky to get out of there alive and you sent me in there with confidence everything would be alright. I really hate you sometimes you know; I could have ended up dead or trapped like Hastings chained to a rock for centuries as the play thing for an evil bitter gnome."
"Thanks the thing Valey. I haven't sent you anywhere, I have never recorded any instructions to give to you, in fact the very idea of recording my image anywhere fills my mouth with a bitter taste like poison. You never know who will see it and recognise me from past misdemeanours. No thank you. Now thats where it gets very interesting. You went down into the ground through a wormhole into one of the Under-realms and you came out again. But Valey, my Valey is currently sat in a hospital bed waiting for me to visit her with a few books and grapes, humans love grapes in hospitals. So that raises the question. Who are you?"
I was shocked to the core and struck dumb with the implications of what was said. "I.....I....I....I'm me, Valey, you know me; stop joking. Please."
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